And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
