Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
