The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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