New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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