My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
