Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
