Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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