Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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