you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
