sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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