What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.