I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
