Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
