I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.