seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.