is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
