I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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