ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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