your parents love me but you hate me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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