"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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