I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
