u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
