Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
