I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
