Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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