So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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