He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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