the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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