Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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