I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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