you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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