he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
