dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
zippers are such a cool invention
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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