Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
