I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
