ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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