He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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