jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
