ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
