i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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