Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
