he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
