Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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