Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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