are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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