I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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