Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize