I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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