some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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