im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
