I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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