Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
