So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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