I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Randomize
