3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
