Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
