i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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