This is not my ceiling
Non-Jews are for practice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
