his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
