they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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