Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
