I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you will always have a special place in my vag
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
