im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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