You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
