my mouth tastes like poor choices
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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