3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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