I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
