we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
