i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
