So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
