I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
